Men Don’t Get Sexually Assaulted!  Right?

Wrong. 

Males can be victims of sexual abuse and assault.  Statistics vary, but the 1984 Badgley Report indicated that 1 in 6 males will be sexually abused by the time they reach 16. 

Sexual abuse/assault of males is a topic most people would rather not talk about or worse, deny.  As a society, we mistakenly hold the belief that males cannot be victimized.  This simply is not true.  Our idea of masculinity puts men into a “tough guy” box, so that we cannot possibly believe that a “real man” could be forced into a sexual act, that a “real man” could be vulnerable, but the reality of sexual assault and abuse is that it is a crime of power.  The sexual assault is a weapon that a person uses to control another person.   Believing otherwise does grave injustice to individuals like Sheldon Kennedy (former NHL hockey player), or Martin Kruze (victimized by Toronto Maple Leaf Gardens staff member), and all men who experience sexual abuse and assault.  Believing that sexual assault is about passion or lust makes it harder for men to seek help due to the shame and stigma they feel. Men who are sexually abused often feel “less than” other men, somehow unworthy of being a man, that they have somehow failed to live up to society’s idea of what a man is supposed to be.

These mistaken beliefs serve to protect the abusers.  The overwhelming majority of those who sexually assault others (men, women or children) identify themselves as straight men.  On the other side of the coin, if a male is sexually assaulted by a female and he feels exploited and violated his internal message system (created by society) tells him he shouldn’t have those feelings.  He should be happy that he “scored,” creating confusion and shame for the victim.

Perpetrators of sexual abuse use all kinds of ploys to manipulate their victim and use their power over the other person.  In Sheldon Kennedy’s case his abuser Graham James, used his power as Sheldon’s coach to manipulate Sheldon and instil a very real element of fear of “payback”l if Sheldon disclosed what James was doing to him (Kennedy, S.,“Why I Didn’t Say Anything, 2006).   Perpetrators are masters at finding vulnerabilities in their victims.  Perpetrators often maintain a public face that is very different than whom they are behind closed doors.  This often allows them to continue their sexual abuse of someone for years because the victim doesn’t feel he will be taken seriously – it will be his word against this “solid” member of the community.

Often when males are sexually assaulted or abused they turn to alcohol, or drugs to help deal with painful emotions. For other men, they may become aggressive and hurtful to others.  Some men will have difficulty forming intimate relationships.  Men who are heterosexual may question their sexuality.  Many men just don’t want to face what happened to them.  Facing it is extremely difficult and many men will put it off for years.  Some may never deal with it.  We want to help.  If you have been sexually assaulted or you know someone who has and you want help we are here when you need us.  There is hope and healing. 

Information

Individual counselling is available at our Centre for male survivors.

Resources Available at the Centre

information coming soon

Useful Links

Addiction and Mental Health
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health www.camh.net

Male Survivors
Male Survivors www.malesurvivor.on.ca